Bipolar mixed episode. Dissociating. Courage to face fears.



My name is Xanthe Wyse. Diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder.

Currently in a mixed episode aka mixed features, confirmed by my psychologist today. I have been dissociating a lot more, struggling with the executive function to prepare a meal, struggling to do some work, not in the best state to drive. I am moderately affected in this video, although in the past, I have been severely affected.

I rapid cycle on meds. The episodes are more manageable and less distressing than they used to be. I have learned to tolerate the unpleasant sensations etc which previously were extremely distressing. I have had approximately 100 hours of one-on-one therapy for PTSD.

Most of my trauma and grief processing has been my own ways though, through my creative process. Which I share, because it gives me purpose. I feel that that mania and the mood shifts have had a purpose – to help me to face my fears – which takes courage. To process what I suppressed and shutdown from trauma.

I may be able to resurrect a memoir I wrote in a mania episode about a massive mania episode. Have some ideas about what to do with it if I can. I believed I was autistic when I wrote it. Ironically, dozens of people on social media have insisted I am after a psychologist assessed me and said bipolar 1, PTSD, social anxiety fits better.

I am getting some fantastic feedback about Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice. 7 years of effort, including the art exhibitions. It was harder than doing my BSc in analytical chemistry when the cognitive & memory parts of my mind were functioning better.

Pet Purpose is a pet-themed semiautobiographical novel about a character who navigates love and loss with bipolar disorder and PTSD.


Source: Youtube