Bipolar mood crash, mixed features. Processing trauma, grief. PTSD.

My name is Xanthe Wyse. Current diagnoses: bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder.

Historical diagnoses: major depressive disorder (treatment resistant), generalised anxiety disorder.

Last 2 videos uploaded from a mania episode in 2017.
May notice that emotion shut down (how my PTSD would usually present), less of a filter talking about some stuff related to trauma for me, flight of ideas, pressure of speech. I was antipsychiatry and off meds. Believed I was autistic, not bipolar. I knew I had PTSD before diagnosed finally a year later.

I back most of what I said in those videos. Still had a lot of insight even when manic. A different perspective.

Been getting into mania territory in recent videos. Very vulnerable but I shared several videos so can see aspects with big lists of my indicators (which I was hitting all of them).

After the high, comes the crash back to reality.

Mixed features is mixture of elevated mood (mania, hypomania) and low mood (depression). Where I’m at currently. Was awake until 3am despite max meds.

Meds have crap side effects like weight gain but help me get through the episodes more safely. I am extremely self-aware now and insightful. Sharing what I’ve learned to help others.

Been using my voice with my mouth which was previously my most uncomfortable means of communication because of constant criticism about how I speak. But video shows aspects of my diagnoses that you can see with your own eyes. Even with meds and therapy.

When I finished the video, I listened to a song linked to grief for me and had a cry, then switched it off. (The Carnival is Over).

Source: Youtube