I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. I either shut down or go ‘high’ with trauma triggers.
I am currently in a hypomanic episode. My talking fast is called ‘pressure of speech’ and my wanting to jump from one thing to the other is called ‘flight of ideas.’ I have a few objects nearby to help me focus.
My mind sees dozens of links at once – with literally everything. Which is why I have been called ‘scatterbrained’ and am forgetful with everyday things.
It doesn’t matter whether I believe in God or don’t believe in God. Or whether I am on meds or off meds. My mind sees in patterns. It is part of whom I am. Apparently a characteristic of creative minds but mine can go to extremes and I need to be careful about avoiding full mania again as it can be life-threatening, especially the massive crash.
I do not want my creativity suppressed by the meds, so I have asked to be medicated only enough to help me manage the mood episodes, but still allow me to feel and express. Even though it can be challenging.
I use the mood shifts to process trauma in creative ways (without re-traumatising myself) and also to express myself and tell my story in disguise. I have had an art exhibition of my process art and have enough art for another one so I will apply to have another exhibition within a year. I am also writing a novel called Pet Purpose. I’ve decided on a sequel, so need to re-write the last 3 chapters before cleaning it all up.
I see meaningful coincidences in everything and that is one of the themes in my novels – I have woven patterns throughout which I hope will make it an interesting read.