My name is Xanthe Wyse.
This is a video from a mania episode in 2017. I recently made a video explaining why I avoid eye contact. During the videos I made during a mania episode, off medication, in denial of bipolar disorder, I made plenty of “eye contact” with the camera.
My historical diagnoses were major depressive disorder (treatment resistant) and generalised anxiety disorder. The clinicians who diagnosed my son with Aspergers autism and ADHD said I also had Aspergers (which was later merged into Autism Spectrum Disorder, ASD) but they didn’t formally diagnose adults. Yet other clinicians said they saw no signs of it. Ironically, after a clinician said not ASD, dozens of people have insisted I’m autistic.
At the time this video was made, I had not been officially diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), yet I knew I had PTSD. 2 psychologists said I have had PTSD for over 4 decades. My current diagnoses are now bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder.
I am thinner in this video after losing weight going off the bipolar medications which I hated the side effects of. In my other videos, I have regained the weight. Off medications, I am more anxious (also contributing to weight loss).
During the mania, I did intense processing of PTSD on my own that had been shutdown for decades. The PTSD flared up to the point of terror when the mania spiralled out of control.
My emotions are shut down with PTSD, so my mania can look pretty calm, yet intense most of the time. Other than when I’m irritable or euphoric.
I stand behind most of what I said in this video. Now accept the bipolar diagnosis and I still use many of the techniques I figured out in mania and hypomania even though finally seeing a trauma psychologist.
What do you think? Do I sound ‘crazy’? Or insightful?