My name is Xanthe Wyse. Diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – mainly with avoidance and shutdowns.
I went into shutdown with some big triggers. Overwhelmed. Unable to go to work or make sense of the tasks. Too much for me with 2 part-time jobs and advocacy. One of the jobs is more stressful than the other as has admin tasks that I struggle to do.
Felt bad, but finally decided to quit one job, otherwise, if I keep pushing, I will have another breakdown, which is a major. Much bigger than the mood crash. The job has been asking more and more tasks which my brain can’t handle. Other job is more visual.
I feel chilled with shutdown – fighting against it. I am not sedated in this video – it is the difficulty I have fighting the shutdown. Just on my usual meds.
Today was really rough. I take longer than most people to complete simple tasks. I need to take care of myself so I can continue with my writing as part of my advocacy about bipolar and trauma and having a voice for the vulnerable – myself and others.
I have been unable to work fulltime for approx 20 years, and when I did, it was still a struggle. My brain has deteriorated further which each breakdown, hence need to avoid that situation again.