my PTSD, healing, and moving forward

It is really hard for me to tell my story using my voice, because I never truly know where to begin or what to say to just feel understood, but today, I am trying to.

After the tragedy, I was distracted by this new strength that I knew I quickly had to develop to become a healer, a protector, and a source of light for my students—that was what I was feeling called to do, it is all my heart wanted. I poured every ounce of my heart into the remainder of that first year and continued to push through for a second year, and that is when the grieving began for me.

This past year has not been easy. It has been really, really hard. Each day felt like a battle and there were days where I found myself in a really dark place mentally. Doctor after doctor, to passing my classroom that is a boarded up crime scene frozen in time, to just trying to balance what it means to have PTSD, scared to come to school, but yet, wanting to teach more than anything, all at the same time.

I know I shared that I have a special announcement coming this Sunday, but before we get there, I think it is important that you hear my story, my healing, and how I plan on moving forward going into this year. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but I looked to myself and finally realized that this is not healthy anymore. I realized that I needed to take a step back to give myself time to heal and take care of my mental health. That is something that I encourage my students to do each day, but now I have realized it is time I listen to my own advice.

At the end of the day, I think we all want to be understood. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I have learned there is no right or wrong way to go through a tragedy. I felt it in my heart to share this video with you and I am so nervous, scared, and anxious about it, but I am ready and I hope you are too.

Education is my passion and I am not going anywhere, just taking time to heal for myself. I am looking forward to sharing my plan moving forward with you in just two days.

Also, if you have gotten this far, thank you for being here and for listening. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me to know that there is an audience listening and accepting me for me. Remember how powerful words are, remember you can’t truly know what someone is going through based on social media, and remember, I am a human being too.

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FTC: This video is not sponsored. Monetization has been turned off.

Source: Youtube