My name is Xanthe & I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 1) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
There are some indicators that my mood is a bit ‘off’ as I’ve had an increase in seeing patterns in everything and didn’t sleep. Didn’t sleep because muscles aching and also because my brain working overtime. So keeping an eye on things. I described some examples in this video.
Watching the video back, I noticed 3 ‘orbs’ falling, which my rational brain says are probably particles of dust from the feathers. But my hypervigiliant seeing patterns in everything bipolar PTSD brain is a little creeped out as it was when I mentioned death and dark side of the moon. Starting to see things as ‘spiritual’ is one of my indicators that my mood is elevated. Probably mixed because my body has been in pain since yesterday with muscle tension.
I was creeped out by some comments someone made yesterday as a joke and couldn’t sleep. Triggered PTSD. I’m not having a severe reaction like I used to but it’s still unsettling.
My brain has been very busy working overtime noticing links and associations. I worked on my sculpture from repurposed materials to distract myself.
When my mood is elevated, I see symbolism and metaphor in everything. I enjoy this part of bipolar and PTSD until it becomes terrifying. It fascinates me and inspires me creatively. It can feel like I can see the future.
Currently keeping an eye on things with these early indicators of mania (for me this includes disrupted sleep, increase in seeing patterns in everything, feeling like can see the future, drawing erroneous conclusions, getting triggered more, physical reactions to intense emotions, spiritual ‘signs and symbols’, getting creeped out).