My name is Xanthe Wyse. Diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder.
Have been doing a lot of processing so my mind is a bit more disorganised than usual. Mood elevated which happens with processing and vice versa. I go off on tangents at times and don’t return. This is part of my diagnoses. When it becomes extreme, it’s called ‘flight-of-ideas’. This can contribute to communication difficulties. I also had trouble with my words which happens more when I’m in mood episodes.
I am having difficulty organising myself for work so ended up working later and finishing later.
Talked a bit about the context of my last video which involved smashing the laptop and 2 qualifications that have been in my wardrobe for years. I took about a week to prepare for that video (processing as I went) and could only do one take of it. Ended up being improvised mostly anyway. I had various props which were all symbolic. My aim was to record under 15 minutes and I achieved that. My other videos are usually spontaneous with little or no preparation. I find it easier that way, plus get to see various aspects of my diagnoses as I upload them raw and unedited.
Processing is messy but doesn’t have to feel awful. I do most of my processing in creative ways, which I share. I also see a trauma psychologist for PTSD. I have avoidance and shutdowns as my main features of PTSD. Talk a bit about shutdowns.
You may noticed some of my impairments in communication – become harder to follow as my mind jumps from one thing to another. This becomes extreme when fully manic.
I compared a bit with ADHD, started to talk about borderline personality disorder (BPD). Bipolar disorder at times can seem like both but because it’s episodic and fluctuates with level of impairments, I don’t have these diagnoses.
See part 2 for the rest of this recording.