Processing shutdown and low mood. Bipolar, depression, trauma, grief – part 1.

My name is Xanthe Wyse. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

I didn’t want to record this video but I did and I feel like I processing something both recording it & watching it back, even though I am still low in energy. Sometimes I record and don’t upload. I’ve uploaded to show contrast in mood states.

In a low mood and was very shutdown at first. I shutdown because there is intense emotions and intense emotions are a trigger for me.

Some things to notice is that I move very slowly and talk slower and more quietly when depressed and shutdown. When I was fidgeting, it was to ground myself to keep present while I processed. To not dissociate.

Been off-balance lately and mood has been low and I had a really bit freeze & shutdown at work this week and had to leave when I was able to move again.

Also see part 2 for the rest of this unedited recording (my camera splits the video and I don’t edit back together again). Part 2 is more about self-care.

I monitor my moods closely and take action early on when there are big changes. I’ve decided to have a break from Twitter as I’ve been finding it too toxic with all the politics. Mention some of the newly invented gender categories that some people want validating as their identity. To me, it’s like a cult.

Source: Youtube