Processing trauma and expressing emotions with colour and music. Bipolar, PTSD. Mixed features.

My name is Xanthe Wyse. Diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Last video was made earlier today. It was improvised with some simple props gathered just prior. Captures elevated mood (hypomania to mania), expressing anger and humour. Without strongly feeling the emotion of anger. I find creative expression to be therapeutic and help discharge the hyperarousal energy.

I cannot process emotions when I am shutdown (my presentation of PTSD). Need to go into hyperarousal temporarily to do some processing. Meds, moderate physical fitness, music, self-awareness etc all help manage it.

Colour and music help me to express myself. I tend to impulse buy nail polish in mood episodes. Only if I feel a strong connection. It’s a combination of the colour and name. I have several different colours layered on currently. Last few layers messy. Elevated moods with mixed features can be messy. Processing is messy.

I have short-term memory issues which you can see in this video. Also go off on tangents more. My mood in this video isn’t as elevated as earlier, when I was singing along and dancing to music while working.

Valentine’s Day has been a massive trigger for me this year. Mood today has been mixed on mania side. Yesterday was mixed on depression side. Mixed episodes are very stressful and my muscles are in pain & I feel tired, despite being ‘high’ earlier.

Painting the eggs is processing something for me.

Source: Youtube