Processing trauma by destroying a symbolic object. Creatively crazy.

My name is Xanthe Wyse. Diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder (rapid cycling), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder. The first 2 are my main diagnoses. I have permanent disability despite meds and one-on-one therapy.

My psychologist, a trauma expert, acknowledges that I have done most of the trauma processing myself, in creative ways. It doesn’t have to be sad.

I was once proud of winning this business award in 2012 for the pet sitting business, Home Petz, that I started from scratch. The current owner of the business, Julie Grafton (Julz) has been doing a sustained public smear campaign on me, acting as a flying monkey for my ex-husband. I have been stalked for 6 years!

The lies include that I paid $500 for the award. I didn’t. It was a prestigious award voted by clients before going onto other selection processes. The business is no longer professional, the website isn’t even up. Julz even lied that I stole my own photos and claimed I didn’t look after the pets in the photos I took which she still has on Facebook. The photos I took are copyright to me.

She dead named me. I am no longer covering for her. My former married name when I had the business was Miranda Flemming.

I felt like smashing the award when saw her lies. I have screenshot as much as possible – over 50 abusive public, lying messages this week.

It can be therapeutic to destroy something but it’s more effective if sit on it a bit and make the most of it. I chose some songs and did it over a few days. Her abusive behaviour has contaminated what it meant to me and it was liberating to get rid of it. One of the last pieces of junk that came over from Australia. Junk now. Broken glass and ashes.

Songs I listened too were:
– Beds are Burning (Midnight Oil) – see last video
– April Sun in Cuba (Dragon), which mentioned snake eyes & the month of a trauma for me
– Renegade Fighter (Zed)

If I ever feel the urge to destroy something, I have the control now to sit on it for a day or two to decide. The award was my property – I could do with it what I wanted, like the Renegade Fighter song said (awesome song). If I feel the urge to urgently destroy stuff, it’s an indicator I’m manic. I feel hypomanic in this video. Have had mixed features lately, will all the recent abuse.

I have retained the frame which I may use to make a sculpture from cut up paintings to go into a community art exhibition at the end of the year. An idea is gelling. Purr Petscription, made from medication packaging plus 3 odd buttons went into another community exhibition from repurposed materials.

I also destroyed my now useless qualifications that were under my former names (maiden and married names). A BSc and DipTch. Took to them with a sledgehammer, representing trauma in metaphor. The video is actually storytelling of changing my name from trauma.

I also have a playlist with destruction therapy videos.

Source: Youtube