I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have been sharing the stages of this painting which I think I will call Reborn as it is about myself metaphorically dying and coming back to life with a journey of transformation via creativity. Even though I am not a religious person, I feel very spiritual painting and dancing while I walk listening to music.
The colours are symbolic and the deaths involve my childhood name (Mandy) represented by white for innocence, my former legal name Miranda represented by pink for romantic & sensitive and my new legal name Xanthe represented by yellow (Xanthe means yellow or golden). Mandy died (sexual abuse) and Miranda died (rape). I talked about these in other videos.
You may notice that when I said Miranda, I was having a bit of trouble. I changed my name because it became a PTSD trigger and I would have a panic attack with flashbacks to even think it or if anyone said it. Changing my name was to try to avoid it. The trigger has become a lot less intense after a LOT of processing.
I talk about some of the symbolism in the painting. Also how I used yoni eggs to help with my sexual and emotional release when I had phases of hypersexuality (as meeting with strangers for sex tended to re-traumatise me and I was too hurt to be in a relationship). My rose quartz egg is named Delta after Delta Goodrem who shares a birthday with me. The egg to me represents new life and Delta’s music has helped me. Along with songs from many other artists. Music has been a big part of my healing journey. To help me release the emotion that I had shut down from trauma, with minimal distress.