Shame and disgust with sexual trauma

An uncomfortable topic for me to talk about. I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) mainly from a childhood sexual abuse trauma plus a rape trauma as an adult.

I also have bipolar 1 disorder and have experienced extremes of hyposexuality (very low libido) and hypersexuality (very high libido) associated with mood states of depression and mania. I made some other videos explaining a bit of what hyposexuality and hypersexuality are like. Some of my behaviour during mania episodes involved trauma re-enactment, which I believe to be subconsciously re-creating the trauma, hoping for a different ending.

In this video, I talk mainly about the feelings of shame and disgust that have been associated with trauma. So much that I had a breakdown when I finally told someone. I made another video about what breakdowns are like.

Part of the reason I am making these no-frills videos is to have a voice. To not feel ashamed anymore.

Source: Youtube