story time i have ptsd | what caused it and how it affects me
***Trigger Warning – gun violence, drugs, teen pregnancy, and probably some other things??***
I don’t normally make videos like this but I hope it will somehow help me get over the stuff that has happened to me in the past.
Since i cant seem to just ‘get over it’
I had to be very secretive about my life when i was a kid because of the things my parents did.
My parents didn’t want me to get taken away by cps, and the idea of being separated from my siblings and family was scary. I still don’t really even know what goes on during that process.
I’m hoping that by getting things out into the open it will help me feel less trapped, or less like im hiding.
Im kind of worried that if anyone i knows watches this will feel like *offended* or upset by it… but i have to do this for me.
I don’t always feel like it but, Im an adult and i need to feel like i have control over my life. For me, part of that is not being afraid to express myself openly.
Im basically making and posting this video for myself. For some reason I just feel like these things that happened need to be publicly documented.
Officially, I have PTSD, I know that c-ptsd is probably more accurate as my trauma consistently happened throughout my childhood.
C-PTSD is not currently *officially* recognized, so maybe my story will somehow help that cause. Personally, I feel like my symptoms align with ptsd, and the only difference is what caused the trauma. The only thing i don’t like about being diagnosed with ptsd and not c-ptsd is that the first thing people think about when they hear ptsd is war veterans.
I wish there was more public knowledge about c-ptsd, and that veterans aren’t the only ones who deal with ptsd.
A lot of times when i tell people i have ptsd, they say what did you go to war or something. And im like…. uhhh…. not officially.
I have to explain that i have it because i had a bad childhood, and it just opens up a conversation that i dont want to have. I wish people just knew that cptsd was a thing so i could just say that i have it and not have to elaborate.
It makes me feel like my ptsd isn’t ptsd but it’s not a competition about who has suffered the worst trauma so i dont want to feel that way.
I’m not trying to spark debate or open any kind of conversation, or make any generalizations about anything.
Basically, please don’t say messed up stuff to me in the comments or ask any why or how questions.
It is what it is. No “should have would have could haves” will change anything.
I sped up this video from 100 to 110 percent because i was talking very slowly, and i just didn’t like the way it sounded.
I recorded this kind of impulsively after work so that’s why i look messy and that’s why im unprepared and kind of all over the place.
Also, i made some typos in some parts of the video – whatever – i know ok so dont be a smart ass and try to call me out for it.
I did end this video early because my roommate came home, so i didn’t really feel like recording any more. This isn’t really my full story. Other traumatic things happened to me as a child and as an adult/after high school. I might talk about it later.
I know that the world is a messed up place. I know that a lot worse happens to a lot more people. I know that im not the only one who has gone through stuff like this. I know that people who have gone through worse or similar situations have turned out differently than myself.
I do consider myself lucky, and im very grateful for everything that i have.