hello friends! Welcome back to my channel
IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO please call lifeline 13 11 14 to speak with someone who is here to listen!
My main objective with the videos is to minimise the stigma surrounding mental health! I am the way I am today primarily due to stigma which stopped me from seeking help 10 years ago. Even today I still feel slightly uncomfortable speaking so openly and putting my vulnerabilities out there but as I said in this video I want to provide an Avenue of hope and inspiration to those who suffer from mental health issues. It’s a part of life, and I don’t think there is anyone who has escaped negative feelings! We have all cried, and those who don’t cry probably need the most help to be honest! (I said it)
So as for a short written version of the last 10 months. I was on an upwards trend and very excited to begin seeing a psychologist in august 2020. I knew going into this I would need to confront a lot of my past but I probably didn’t understand just how much I had shut off. Simultaneously to this therapy and opening up these wounds to heal them, I had a few months of events trigger me. These events were mini versions of my life until 20 years old – they were things that would have triggered flashbacks and intense feelings of feeling like I’m back in my 17, 15, 13 or 8 year old body. So the timing of opening these wounds left my vulnerable and slow to recovery. I was determined to keep my wounds open and push through with therapy and withstand the life events happening, but it took a toll on me. I want to encourage you to do the same should you have the opportunity, what I learnt in the process however is that you can’t do it alone. I’m still recovering and learning so I don’t feel in the place to recommend certain things or provide certain advice but I’m sure my confidence and resilience will return shortly – especially after sharing that I suffer from CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder). I personally feel I have tried to be the happy girl all these years, the chill girl who laughs at all my guy friends and is friendly to strangers- and I did this to mask my pain. I did this to hide that I was dying inside in year 7, in year 10 when I was so exhausted from lack of sleep due to suffering multiple intense and vivid nightmares every night, in year 11 when I couldn’t handle life so I told everyone my credit ran out and didn’t speak to anyone for the whole school holidays, in year 12 when I watched vampire diaries every lunch alone because I couldn’t be near people, in first year uni when I slowly stopped eating, in second year uni when I slowly started drinking daily and still not eating…. it was all there.
I’m still private in some ways now. But I’m also not. To me one reason why I don’t bring up how horrible I feel is because I fear I am a burden to those people in my life. They may not want to deal with it, what I share may trigger something in them from their past, I don’t want to be negative. So that’s why I post these videos, to help people who want to hear it and who have 100% control to switch my video off at any time they feel it’s too much.
If you suffer from anxiety or CPTSD or depression or experience suicidal thoughts, please keep fighting. It’s worth it. Please message me or cal lifeline!!
You are worthy of love. You are not a burden. You are not too much. You are not too complicated.
I appreciate you