My name is Xanthe Wyse. I vlog about my lived experience with bipolar disorder & post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
I have various different things that can happen when I am triggered from trauma. I can shutdown, go into fight/flight hyperarousal (which may include anger – rare for me), or I may become extremely distressed or go high in my mood (euphoria). I also may go high when processing trauma. The highs are shorter lived than bipolar mood episodes (hypomania, mania).
Today I went high for a few hours during listening to the song Every Breath You Take (The Police) which I was still listening to coming out of the supermarket during my first visit to the supermarket in weeks and experiencing everyone’s hypervigilance. I have constant hypervigilance with PTSD which is one of the reasons I hear sounds from a distance etc. Always on lookout for danger.
I was triggered because of the song being connected to stalkers – something I’ve been processing. I actually couldn’t remember the name of who sang it briefly (as the name is linked to triggers too). My mind went blank.
I used music and movement to help me get through the elevated mood and to bring it down safely, while processing.
Hypomania and mania involve additional symptoms. A temporary high which I am in control of is fine. Going a bit high with some music temporarily is fine. l went for a dance-walk and then did some more dancing.
My paintings all process these links plus more which I haven’t told you. My paintings are symbolic mind maps using my intuition to express very deep themes in disguise so I can express without anyone knowing exactly what I am painting about. Like a secret language which doesn’t need cognition.